Kim Kardashian, Huda Kattan, and why I don’t fear growing up anymore

When I was a kid, I didn’t want to grow up, just like everybody else. I wanted to stay where I was then, having no responsibilities and all the time in the world to play and have fun. As I grew up more, I found that my desire to stay young only persisted, and by the time I was in high school I was dreading the thought of turning 20. It just seemed so old, you know? Not to mention I had an intense fear of death back then, and aging meant I was getting closer to death. I remember clinging to my last few years of being in my late-tenths as if they were my last years. And in a way, it felt like it was, at least for me back then.

You see, I had it embedded in my mind that freedom was only to be had when one is still young. I sincerely thought that once you hit your mid-twenties, you’re just gonna be another boring adult with boring adult life and boring adult responsibilities. I was so eaten up and convinced by media – social media mostly – that life is only fun when you’re young. Those quotes about ‘having fun while you’re young’ and being ‘young and free’ I saw all the time on Tumblr only further convinced me more that my twenties would be the last years of true freedom I have before I eventually have to turn into yet another boring adult person.

And there lies my problem. I of course wanted to enjoy that lifestyle – the carefree lifestyle where it seems like every day is a party and everything is just enjoyable. But back then I had a severe tunnel vision, and though I didn’t see adulthood as a complete grey world (I do like the idea of being stable with a job and a house), I saw it as a little bit of a shackle to my wish to remain free as the wind, always free to adventure the world as I would like to. And I dreaded losing that freedom.

Come Kim Kardashian.

Actually no. The first Kardashian who caught my eyes wasn’t even a Kardashian – it was Kylie Jenner. She embodied what I wanted in a lifestyle, that is a free, jetsetting glamorous lifestyle. I loved her way of life, but the more I followed her life the more I realized how much she was inspired by Kim, and that was when I first got interested in her.

I followed her on Instagram and watched as she, too, lived a free and jetsetting lifestyle as her sister, despite the fact that she was almost twice as old as Kylie. She wore clothing that I would usually attribute as clothing for the younger folks, and she still rocked it.

I then became engulfed further into the world of Instagram beauty, and came across Huda Kattan. Huda is a beauty influencer under the handle @hudabeauty with millions of followers, and it was easy to see why. She had an impeccable sense of style, gorgeous makeup, and lived a seemingly carefree lifestyle. And one thing I noticed – she was also over 30.

That was when I started to really open my eyes. I think I feared mediocrity the most, to live a boring stable life and that I couldn’t live the way I wanted to be when I got to my 30s. But Kim Kardashian does it. Huda Kattan does it. They’re over 30, with families, but they’re still rocking life the way they want to. They lead carefree and glamorous lives, they still rock the Instaglam look, and they can still wear clothes that the old me would think only suited young adults.

They’re the living proof, to me, that age doesn’t restrict anything. Despite their age closing in on the big 40s, they still lead lives like they’re still in their 20s. I do realize they also have big stack of money backing that lifestyle up, but it still encourages me in the way that if they can do it, why can’t I? Money isn’t the limit to everything, so I know that if I put myself to it, I can do it as well. I can live my life without restraints, just like how these two women proved to me.

Beauty and the Beast Review

So last week I saw Beauty and the Beast with a friend, we decided to watch it at Blitz Velvet just to be hedonistic for once and because we wanted the in-bed movie experience again. At first we wanted to watch Kong Skull Island but decided with Beauty and the Beast the day before because it was already released and the movie hype was just so real.

As a huge Disney fan since I was little, of course I grew up watching princess movies. My personal favorite was Aurora the Sleeping Beauty because all she did was sleep. That’s the kind of content I relate to. But Belle also had her own charm on me as a kid, and I remember being intrigued by her when I re-watched the movie in middle school that Belle didn’t want to marry into the plush easy life of being Gaston’s wife even though the Bimbettes were literally fighting for his affection. It definitely was something. The next time I realized how good the Beauty and the Beast story was when I watched the live stage version at the Walt Disney World’s Hollywood Studios several summers ago. It was the first time I realized the depth of the story, the different aspects of the characters, and how good the music was. It was an amazing show, to say the least.

I’m quite happy to say that the new movie managed to capture all the aspects I loved from the story. The movie delved into the backstories of each main characters just enough that it definitely wrapped the movie’s plot well. I could understand Belle’s own struggles with her feelings as she left the castle, I could feel Beast’s conflicts throughout the movie, I could easily relate to all the other characters. The plot mostly followed the original with a few minor changes that I felt only added to the overall good writing. I was concerned that this movie couldn’t capture the emotions portrayed by the original movie, but to my surprise it did. I could easily feel Belle and Beast caring for each other deeper as the movie went and by the ballroom scene I was captured. The conflict only added another layer of emotions on top of everything, and the climax did really feel emotional (I heard my friend sniffle next to me). The resolution and final scenes were definitely feel-good scenes, and it wrapped the movie nicely with a happy ending.

On the production itself, it was no surprise since it came from Disney, but it was amazing. The musical scenes were choreographed and performed with such extravagance, especially “Be Our Guest”. Now as a fashion student, I was so stoked to see how accurate the costumes are to 18th century France, which is the time period where the story takes place. From Gaston’s outfit to Beast’s party outfit to the soft-colored Rococo dresses the ladies at the castle wore, I could easily make an essay (but I won’t since I already did a presentation on Baroque and Rococo fashion last semester). The decorations are on point as well to the era’s architecture, but what do I know.

All in all, if you’re a huge fan of Disney, you won’t want to miss this one. Even for non-Disney fans as well, this movie is a great refresher to the old and classic fairy tale we all grew up with and I do think this is a movie to watch, be it by yourself, with your lover, with friends, or with family.


I have a strange relationship with lists. I have OCD so making lists is an integral part of myself, but at the same time it also gives me stress because it needs to be perfect. It’s kind of weird, it’s like when you suffer but you also feel good about it. I have to constantly make random lists because otherwise my brain would panic and scream “Bell, you’re going to forget this if you don’t write this down!”, no matter how mundane they are. It’s also kind of hard for me to keep track of my lists because I keep making lists after lists that I actually need a list for my lists. Yes, it’s that terrible.

Making lists is actually a good thing to make you organized, but to get yourself organized you need to have a place where you’ll put your list. Some people write theirs on a journal and make pretty bullet lists, and I have to admit I love seeing beautiful bullet lists on Instagram, but I can never get myself to do it because it needs to be perfect and I tend to write my lists on a rush so I don’t think it’s for me. Journals also take up space as it’s a physical book that you have to carry around, and I personally don’t like carrying a lot of things other than my essentials, which is why I actually prefer writing everything down on my phone. It’s easy and fast even though it’s not as pretty as a bullet journal, and I can live with that.

The reason why making lists is hard for me is that I keep wanting to make and organize my lists with different categories, for example I want to make separate lists for homework and errands but they both fall into the same “things to do” category. What do I do with that? I sometimes also caught myself wanting to make lists for things that isn’t that important, for example cataloging my whole makeup drawer. That’s pretty extra, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to do it. I think a huge part of this is because I want to always know what I need to do, what I have, I need to have a complete list of everything so that I don’t forget anything. But sometimes due to the stress from having to remember to make lists all the damn time I just forgot what’s important: to do what I need to do, which is what the list is for in the first place.

The way I cope with this OCD thing of mine is I try to minimize my lists as small as possible, only write things that are necessary, and to categorize it to a small number of categories. I tend to write in an item several times due to my weird categorization, but now I try to only write a thing once and not write it again. I also try to expand my list instead of making new ones each time, and so far it works. Clearing things off the list works too. Even writing about this kind of helps too since it helps me open my eyes to what I’m doing and how to reduce this obsession to a manageable level.

I think that’s all for now.

Goodbye January

Somehow 2016 passed without me blogging about it.

Looking back, I realized 2016 wasn’t my year definitely. I spent too much time doing nothing, I accomplished very little, and overall I’m just not satisfied with how my 2016 turned out. I did get into a new university and changed majors, but even now I still have doubts about that decision. It was – and still is – the best option for me at the time, but I still can’t find peace with it. 2016 was nothing but trouble after trouble for me, and I really don’t want to go through any of that again.

Which is why I’m starting to employ the No More Zero Days rule I found on Reddit. Basically, I can’t go through a day without doing any kind of progress towards my goals, or just anything productive. It doesn’t matter how small it is, as long as it’s not completely zero progress, then it should be fine.

This past January I had lots of hiccups and the road was bumpy to get myself to a routine where I do something productive, especially with my weird class schedule for this semester, but I definitely did a lot. I started to reorganize my room and throwing out things (which is an accomplishment for the “very disorganized but OCD yet can’t let go of things” me). I also made myself a monthly planner, I’m trying to stop procrastinating, I’m starting to code more, and I started to take up knitting.

My goals for February is to at least sew one piece of clothing minimum, and start planning for some DIY projects I want to make, like this Raspberry Pi notification center, and a self-indulgent light up headphones because I’m too cheap to buy Axent Wear (and I don’t like it anyways, I think it’s just all hype). I also plan to get my whole room overhauled and reorganized from the bottom.

I don’t usually make New Years’ resolution, and this is not the same as a list of resolutions anyway since it’s just a bunch of small things I want to do already. These aren’t goals or things to accomplish, these are literally things I want and need to do that I’ve put off for too long.

Hopefully this year I can make it.

A logo and some designs

This is a final project for my Profession Study class. We had to make up a fictional fashion line, and create 10 logos and 20 designs for the brand. We also had to think up of the demographic of buyers for this brand.

I decided to go with a ready-to-wear beach apparel focusing on but not limited to swimwear. The demographic is for 19 to 24 years old females with a liking to vacations and beach getaways.

The end product is a hardcover book, with some brand information inside, logo, and the 20 designs plus some more info at the end.

The book costed me a lot though, I ended up paying around $20 for the printing and hardcover binding.

But I did have fun when making the book though. I learned several things about book printing:

  1. Make sure the paper you choose isn’t too thick or too thin. Mine was too thick.
  2. Colors change during printing. I still have to experiment with this, but I heard converting to CMYK helps massively.
  3. Ask your printer about the margin needed for binding. I eyeballed the left margin and ended up with way too much space there and my whole book ended up being off-center.

Life with braces

Hello! Just like the title of the post says, I now have braces. My top canine teeth are misaligned really horribly, they sit very high on my gums and are a little long it kinda looks like vampire fangs. These “fangs” sit quite uncomfortably against the inside of my mouth, and it made me bleed a bit several times that I thought putting braces and straightening the teeth were in order.

My parents always convinced me to wear braces ever since I was in middle school, but I always denied it because I was afraid about how it would feel but mostly, I was afraid that I would look weird. The me right now really wants to kick past me. Honestly, middle school years were such blunder years for prepubescent kids, why did I care so much about appearance?

My first appointment (actually a walk-in because I’m a caveman who doesn’t understand booking appointments) was the week before. They took an alginate cast of my teeth and told me to go get an x-ray, whilst giving me some consultations about braces itself.

Last Tuesday I finally got to have the braces put on me. The orthodontist only put on the top bracket, because she told me it would hurt me so horribly if I decided to put both at the same time. The process was relatively fast, as all in all it only took me about an hour at her office.

The first thing I noticed when they were in was how weird the sensation was. It basically felt like you”re somehow holding a weird metal object inside your mouth and you’re not going to be allowed to spit it out. It didn’t hurt at first, but on my second day it felt so horrible I just wanted to not eat in fear of triggering the toothache again. My teeth felt like someone just rattled it for hours on end! It was horrible. Thankfully for me, the pain only laster for a couple of days, as it dissipated once my gums got used to all the teeth pulling and pushing.

I didn’t feel anything different with eating other than food getting stuck on the braces but it’s nothing once you start drinking and the stuck food gets carried away by the torrent that is the water itself.

I’m getting the bottom bracket tomorrow, so please wish me luck!

Hello world!

Hello. It’s been a while since the last time I blogged personally, I think the last time was around 2010-ish? The rest had been fan blogs and review blogs and I wanted to get back to personal blogging again, so I applied for this subdomain through Little Dancer Web Hosting because I didn’t want the commitment of having a domain just yet, but I still want a reliable host.

I will mostly blog about my life, my travels, and my crafts probably. That’s basically my whole life, so.

See you around!